Twice before I have attempted to start a blog. Twice I have failed. Maybe three times is the charm. To start with, I give you a few (mostly) disconnected thoughts. I make no apologies for the eclectic nature of what I have to talk about; I am an eclectic person.
I read a lot of PUA blogs. Well, okay, mostly Heartiste (formerly Roissy; a name I rather think I prefer) and Rational Male, but I skim a lot of others. One theme that keeps coming up is the concept of Oneitis. I agree with them that it is bad, but only because of its manifestation. I think most PUAs would agree with me that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing to be in exclusive relationships, but that the attitudes that go with pursuing exclusive relationships are the dangerous part. When a man decides to pursue a woman to the exclusion of all others, he almost always immediately starts giving off a desperate vibe. That is bad. One very dear friend of mine, shortly after meeting the woman who would later become his wife, told me that the secret to meeting a great woman is giving up on meeting women. He’s probably right, because the point of inner game (or even outer game, although outer game is more concerned with how you seem) is to stop caring whether or not any specific woman finds you attractive. Ergo, you become attractive. Of course, the converse is that you cannot come off as desperate, which is the flip side of the same coin.
Continuing along the same lines (don’t worry, I have no intention of turning this into a game blog. It is just what is on my mind right now), about ten years ago I was sitting with a group of women and a couple of guys when one of the guys started pontificating (even truth can be pompous, and his was) about how women don’t know what they want. I certainly believe that his choice of venue was… erroneous, but he was speaking truly. At the time, I was obsessed with one of the girls in the room and when she and her friends jumped to object, I jumped with them. However, I never considered the implications of what he said, versus what I believed and accepted. I believed that women would genuinely tell men what they wanted out of a relationship (and to be fair, some do, but almost never up front), and that being the guy your mother wanted your sister to marry was the secret to finding a relationship. However, there was one huge flaw in my thinking, that didn’t occur to me until much later. If there are two competing models presented – say, model A and model B – of a person’s behavior, and model A calls for that person to act in a certain way, while denying that they act that way, whereas model B calls for a person to act a way that they don’t actually act, but claim that they do, it should not be a hard choice for a thinking person to choose between the models. This is as much to say, who do you trust when it comes to predicting the behavior of women in response to your actions – the woman who tells you precisely what to do, then LJBFs you when you act that way, or the man who seems to have his pick of women?
And now for something completely different…
Although I have studied a certain amount of game, and had some success with it (enough that I feel like I can actually say something useful about it), I’ve found Plate Spinning, or even serial monogamy, to be singularly unfulfilling. I want marriage. I want children. I want a family. I am, of course, aware of the risks concomitant upon the first, especially in light of the second, but surely there are women out there (where, I don’t know) who are trustworthy. It is, naturally, only appropriate for a Christian to engage in certain behaviors (not limited to intercourse, I think) within the bounds of marriage, and it is possible that being willing to have sex with a series of different women would make serial monogamy more fulfilling, but I somehow doubt it.